A Love Letter to My Youngest Son

December 29, 1998.  Jacob Walker Rhone, that's the day you were born.  The "second" happiest first day of my life.  You were delivered by c-section at 10:18 am weighing 9 lbs. 6 oz. and you were 22 inches long.  You were born almost a month early, sure wouldn't know it by your size!  In fact, you started trying to make it into this world way before your time.  I was put on bed rest with you at 5 months pregnant....way too early for you to be born.  I stayed in the hospital a total of 11 times, sometimes for several weeks, while I was pregnant with you.  It was a very difficult pregnancy, and I wondered would you be difficult as well.  Totally the opposite!  You were the best baby!  I prayed the whole time I was pregnant that you would be okay.  I was terrified that all of the complications were going to affect you.  I had already had one perfect son, and I wanted another.  But, I also knew, that I would love you no matter what.  I loved you before you were conceived.  I wanted you so badly.  Your dad and I tried for a long time to have you.  We lost a baby before you.  I was overjoyed the day I found out we were expecting you!  The day we found out you were a boy, tears of happiness ran down my face.  I wanted another boy.  I wanted you like I had never wanted anything in my life.  And, we were ever so thankful when you were perfect too!  No lasting effects from the pregnancy complications, or being born too early.  You were a big butterball baby with lots of hair and boy could you scream.  (Not to mention your first hello to your doctor was pee in her face!)  Wonder how many baby boys instantly pee the minute they're born.  You acted like you'd been holding it awhile!  Everyone in the operating room laughed.  All I wanted to know was if you were okay.  I wanted to know if your lungs were developed.  They laughed at that too, because you were screaming!  They said "Don't you hear him screaming?" "He wouldn't be able to scream that loud if his lungs were not good!"

Your big brother looked at you with the sweetest eyes.  He was amazed by you.  He loved you instantly.  Now, I know, that you've wondered over the years if he loved you at times, but I assure you, he loved you!  He might not have always shown it, might have acted like he hated you at times, but I promise, he loved you.  Siblings are like that!  I know, I had three brothers!

You filled our house with love and laughter!  You were always smiling and you too, were always on the go!  You sometimes would lay in your crib for hours talking, playing, just patiently waiting for someone to come get you.  You loved playing by yourself, especially with your beloved army men!  Everytime we went shopping you wanted a new pack of army men, and I, of course, gave them to you!  I use to hate finding army men all over the house!  Truth be told, I miss that now.  One day, not too long ago, I found one stuck under the sofa, I cried.  I cried for my little baby who was no more.  I cried for the memories, I cried just because.  I guess those days of despising those things all over the house weren't so bad after all.  Otherwise, would I have missed them?  I sometimes wonder if you even miss playing with them.  I know!  You're a teenager now and you don't play with toys.  Sad.  Sad because I miss my baby, my little boy.  But, I so love the young man you are!  You are so happy go lucky.  You are always smiling, always happy.  You are so loving, considerate, smart, and a thousand other things!

Remember your "nite-nites"?  I still wonder why you called them that.  Cloth burp diapers.  Maybe because I always stuck one under your chin and you would hold on to it while drinking your bottles.  You liked the way they felt.  Maybe you associated that last bottle of the day with going "nite-nite" with your soft cloths.  You loved to hang on to those!  You had twenty of them and you wanted them all!  Your bed was like a nest of cloth diapers.  I loved how you would twist a small corner and put it in your ear, lay your head down and go to sleep.  Eventually they became shreds, after countless washings and being drug all over the place.  You slept with those things til you were 7.  One day you just decided you didn't want them any more.  Put them up!  you said.  I put them all in a zip lock bag and they're in your childhood keepsake box.  I cried.  My baby didn't want his security blanket any longer.  Tough day to be a Mom.

What else did you love?  Let's see, your first word was dirt.  Yep, dirt.  You loved dirt.  You loved guns.  What three year old asks Santa for a machine gun and a bazooka?  You knew every gun there was!  You would roll around in the front yard with your guns, making noises, having the best time.  Your dad and I would stand at the kitchen window and just watch you.  We loved watching you use your imagination, and what an imagination you had!  The stories!  ..and the stories you loved for your dad to tell.  Everyday, you wanted dad to tell you a story, and you hung on to every word!  You also loved to go to Home Depot, or Home Bepot as you called it.  Nothing like sitting on the riding lawn mowers!  That was soooo cool to you!  You acted as if going to Home Depot was like going to the playground! You loved "Bear in the Big Blue House", we had every video to be had! 

You also loved your brother.  You wanted to be with any time he was around.  You loved trying to keep up with him and doing all the things he was doing.  You rode your bike at 3 with no training wheels...bubba didn't have training wheels.  Remember that?  You use to call him bubba....but somewhere along the way you changed it to "Tyder"....guess you heard us calling him Tyler and it stuck with you.  I'll never forget the day he was at school and you snuck into his room. I found you sitting amongst all his baseball cards.  Baseball cards were everywhere!  You learned to do many things at a young age trying to be like "bubba"! 

I'll save all your childhood injuries for another post!  (That's a full post all on it's on!)  You kept us at the hospital for one reason or another! 

I could go on and on, but I won't.  I hope you know, sweet Jake, how much we love you! 

You are my sunshine,

my only sunshine! 

Mom